Life Design Coach and creator of The SELF Approach™

This is my corner of the web where I share unfiltered advice, practical tools, and laughter at life's sometimes fuckedupedness - all meant to help you live & love the absolute hell out of yourself and your life.

I'm Jen Vertanen

Hey hey!

Four delightful older women wearing funny sunglasses with a pink circle and the words Thrive & Get Out Of Your Own Way

How to Thrive In Midlife & Stop Getting in Your Own Way

First things first – let’s talk about the elephant in the room ==> we live in an ageist society.

And that sucks hairy donkey balls.

But that doesn’t mean that each and every one of us reading this (including me) can’t do our part in changing the narrative.

Will it take time? Yes. Is it worth the effort? Absafuckingloutely.

Think of our daughters and granddaughters and great-granddaughters…let’s do it for us and for them.

“Our culture tries to tell us how to move through time and tell us we only have so much time left.” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

Let’s challenge what we were told about aging and getting older and hold each other to higher standards. What if we continued to apply a growth mindset well into our elder years…what if the best really is yet to come? What if, like me, you’re just getting started?

My biggest tips for thriving in middle age

You can thrive no matter your age. There is no age limit where you have to stop learning new skills, stop making new friends, stop letting your inner kiddo come out and play, etc.

Truly – my mom became a pastor in her 60s before retiring to the mountains of Ecuador and finally felt happy and fulfilled. Her spirit never gave up until her body was done living and she passed away in 2021.

But it starts with you. It starts with a powerful decision to buck societal norms and choose to live your rebelliously fulfilling life no matter your age.

No one can do this work for you. Be committed to your ability to thrive…let it drive you and shape your decisions.

Let it excite you!

This first one is slightly controversial and I stand by it with the vengeance of a woman having a hot flash of a thousand suns.

Put yourself first

Yup. I went there. Put yourself first at least some of the time.

Most women have been conditioned to be selfless and put others first always and often to the detriment of themselves.

And I argue that’s created a metric fuckton of women who are burned out, restless, unsatisfied, and feeling like they’ve somehow failed.

This has had the opposite effect; women who don’t take care of their own needs and put themselves first at least some of the time aren’t able to care for others as well as they could if they got their own needs met too.

It truly is the opposite of selfishness.

Say a big fat HELL NO to chronic boredom

It’s easy to be bored in midlife. Think about it…you’ve been living 40+ years now and you’ve kept yourself alive which means you’re pretty proficient in many things including your marriage, career, parenting, etc.

Some boredom here and there is a healthy thing but don’t get stuck in a pattern of dreary mind-numbing same-old-same-old and call it a life well lived and loved. This used to be me and it sucked the lifeblood out of me.  Don’t let this be your story.

Get out there and LIVE!

What have you always wanted to learn? What are your secret desires? Our brains love novelty! Give yourself goals, work towards your dreams. Experiment with different meetups.

It’s literally not too late and you’re never too old.

Unless you give up. Which some people do. But if you’re here, you’re an ambitious woman who mostly has her shit together and this is NOT how your story is going to end.

Dream about your future self

My future self is NOT dicking around when it comes to my happiness and she is my wisest counsel. Truly – I check in with her daily to see if I’m living in a way that’s going to make her happy and proud of me.

Heal your emotional baggage

None of us get out of this life unscathed. That’s an irrefutable fact that would stand up in the court of law.

However. We can heal our baggage. At least most of it.

Yes, it takes effort. Yes, it is absolutely worth it. Yes, you might need therapy.

Your rebelliously fulfilling life is on the other side of healing your emotional baggage. 

Not sure where to start? Start here 👇🏼.

ACTION ==> Your self-talk gives you clues on where you might have some emotional baggage hanging around. Spend a week being super intentional about monitoring your inner self-talk. Is it kind? Critical? Helpful? Productive? What is the story or voice beneath the self-talk and where does it originate from?

Heal your relationship with yourself

This goes hand in hand with healing your emotional baggage. You can’t hate your way to healing. You can self-loathe your way to living your rebelliously fulfilling life. You can’t self-abuse your way to making lasting friendships. You can’t self-judge your way to lasting change.

It’s not possible…I tried.

Instead, learn to treat yourself with self-compassion – the same you would a beloved friend or small child. Learn to be a best friend to yourself. Heal enough to know that you are just as worthy as the next person.

Make this an intentional practice until it becomes second nature and just who you are. Until you can say I am the person who loves myself unconditionally and believe it.

Take exceptional and exquisite care of YOU

This goes with the first one – put yourself first at least some of the time. What goes into the care and feeding of YOU?

What are your non-negotiable needs and how can you get them met? What boundaries do you need to keep and maintain?

Self-care is the opposite of selfish. Self-care is how we show love to ourselves…to show ourselves and others that we matter too.

To take up space in this world.

To not become the invisible middle-aged and older woman that society tries to tell us we are.

Allow yourself to want what you want. Give yourself the gift of exquisite self-care that extends beyond bubble baths and special chocolates; that encompasses the totality of everything you need to not only survive but thrive.

You matter. Do the work until you believe that deep in your bones.

We are only invisible if we allow ourselves to be

This is our time to thrive in midlife. If all of this sounds great but overwhelming, I invite you to explore ways we can work together 1:1. This is exactly how I help clients so they too can be living their rebelliously fulfilling lives.

jen v. xo

Hey there!

I'm a magical mix of coach, perspective-shifting mentor, hair-holder, consultant, wing woman, get shit done'r, silver lining finder, & slightly annoying cheerleader

I'm Jen Vertanen, Make Shit Happen Coach + creator of The Fuck Yeah Methodology

I used to roll my eyes at the notion of self love and loving my life because it felt so far outside the realm of possibilities. I thought both were saved for those who'd escaped childhood unscathed.

But a perfect storm in 2015 had me wake TF up and heal my childhood ish. Along the way, I started to not only love but LIKE myself and I stopped wanting to escape from my life and instead, intentionally create my exciting future. That's saying a lot when you read my stories!

And now? I get to help women all around the world fall in love with themselves, their lives, and create the future THEY want. How cool is that?!?

© 2024 Jen Vertanen & A Fuck Yeah Life

An ADHD &  LGBTQ woman owned business