I wasn’t always who I am today which is someone who has a super solid, loving relationship with themself and loves the shit out of her life even though nothing changed externally – same family, same job, etc. – because everything changed internally.
I had “everything”…good career with a fat paycheck, well-rounded children, what looked like a happy marriage, a nice home, etc.
And I was miserable. Ungrateful. Resentful. Lonely. And ashamed…so ashamed because I had “everything” and thought I shouldn’t feel anything but deep, deep gratitude. And I just…didn’t.
I wanted more. More meaning, joy, fulfillment, connecting, belonging, excitement, GRATITUDE because my life was actually pretty freaking great but inside it sure didn’t feel like it.
Sure – I laughed easily and faked my way through happiness but inside I was crumbling…treading water…barely keeping it together wondering is this really all there ever is because SCREW THAT.
I spent decades – literal decades – feeling shame for wanting more and instead of taking action…I wallowed in that shame.
Why? Because I was told it was wrong to want more. We all are. It’s ingrained in our culture…we’re taught to achieve instead of how to thrive emotionally and what we have is millions of people walking around unhappy, unfulfilled, and just going through the motions.
I chose not to let that be my life anymore. Doing my own work to heal from childhood wounds helped me finally realize that wanting more is human…it’s natural and it sure as hell isn’t wrong.
In fact, going after our more-ness not only helps us, it helps those around us because we have more in our tanks to give – time, resources, energy, etc.
Everyone literally wins – our children, our partners, our co-workers, our family, our community, etc.
The best possible position to be in is to absolutely be full of gratitude because you love the shit out of yourself and your life AND give yourself the permission to pursue whatever else you desire in your life.
That’s what I strive for. It’s what my clients come to me for help with.
THAT is the work. To hold space inside to feel both grateful AND wanting more without judgment.
To drop the shoulds and shouldn’ts and give yourself the grace to create your life so that it feels as good inside as it looks from the outside – your own version of a wildly fulfilling life.
We’re not talking money or resources here though those are always nice to have. When your life feels good, it ripples out into those around you.
It gives permission and inspiration to others to explore the more-ness that’s missing from their lives because they feel you living deeply fulfilled and content and they want that for themselves and their loved ones.
Imagine a world full of people who feel deeply content and wildly fulfilled.
What becomes possible for ALL of us in our collective healing and how we treat each other?
It starts with you. It starts with each of us “doing the work” to listen to our desires and longings without judgment but instead, with curiosity and possibility and hope.
You matter just as much as anyone else and wanting more doesn’t make you ungrateful. Not at all. Like I said above – we can hold space for both gratitude and wanting more.
Time for ACTION ==> What more do you need in your life? What desires and longings have you been stuffing deep down inside for far too long? What teeny tiny actions can you take today to start having the more-ness you need?
You’ve got this and I’m always here to help and encourage.
Ready to design the future YOU want starting TODAY?
Try my unique spin on the future self exercise and see how good it can feel to "do the work"
it's 100% free & you'll be doing your own work in no time
Stop wishing & start doing; Don't leave life to chance
Jen Vertanen is a Life Design Coach for action-takers who are ready to "do the work" to fully love their damn lives