Do you ever find yourself asking or saying:
✨ Is this really all there ever is? I worked so hard all these years for….(gestures around in the air) this?
✨ I really should be more grateful…shouldn’t I?
✨ I just feel…meh.
✨ Why am I so fucking tired all the time? Is this what burnout feels like?
✨ I just kind of want to run away and start over…but not really because I love my family, but…
And if you’re being super honest…it’s kind of what keeps you up at night when everyone else is snoozing away (can your husband just get the fucking CPAP already?!?)
If you nodded along to any of the above, you may be suffering from what I call Restless Midlife Woman Syndrome.
Restless Midlife Woman Syndrome is defined as:
An affliction that occurs when a woman’s life is #blessed and she’s done everything “right” but she still feels restless, a bit bored, kind of empty, & sadly underwhelmed while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed. She knows she should feel more grateful but…eh.
And yes, I absolutely made it up but IYKYK! This is exactly how so many midlife women are feeling so if you are too, you are NOT ALONE.
Here are a couple of great books that talk about this exact thing and why it’s happened to us – Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis and Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment.
I highly recommend both these books if you’re interested in the whys you feel the way you do.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you this is exactly the work I do with 1:1 clients but here are some things you can do on your own.
Start With Desire – this is the first S in my SELFISH framework. Give yourself the gift of getting super fucking honest with yourself about what you NEED in your life to feel deeply fulfilled and satisfied. We do know what we need and desire but oftentimes, we’re afraid to voice those out loud (either to ourselves or to another) because we’re too afraid of the disappointment if we don’t get those needs met. Here’s the thing though…you can’t resolve what you keep buried deep inside. It literally doesn’t work that way.
You can do this by tapping into the wisdom of your wisest, coolest, most badassest 80-yo self! Seriously – she has SO MUCH she wants today you to know. She is future you and she’s going to be hella pissed if today you doesn’t start figuring out some of your shit aka what’s keeping you from living a deeply satisfying and fulfilling life.
Your brain finds evidence for what you tell is so if you’re telling it life sucks – it’s going to find evidence to support that. If you tell it that life’s hard but you’re resourceful and will figure it out – your brain will find evidence to support that. Make friends with your inner critic – it’s part of you so don’t hate it but instead, train it to be more respectful when talking to you. Spend a week being uber-mindful of the thoughts rattling around in that gorgeous brain of yours. Your brain can absolutely be a dick if you allow it to run rampant.
We know your life is #blessed – you’ve worked hard and it’s a pretty great life that others envy – but for some reason, you just don’t feel it. Here’s the thing…you’re living someone else’s dream life…not necessarily your own. You probably also don’t really want to burn it all down and start over though it’s really tempting. If this is the case, it’s time to do some soul-searching and go back to #1 – Start with Desire.
Seriously – we’re living in a global, collective trauma and our brains are literally changing because of it. My wish for you is to be the kindest, most compassionate, most loving person to yourself.
Even if you can be 2% more intentional in your day-to-day life, you’re moving the needle forward. Your changes and actions don’t need to be huge to make a difference. In fact, I believe that tiny actions amount to the most life-transforming changes.
Give yourself the grace and compassion and nurturing you’d give a loved one. You are just as worthy and deserving.
If you have Restless Midlife Woman Syndrome, there is absolutely hope. You’re not too old, it’s not too late, and you do kind of need to get going so 80-yo you isn’t hella pissed decades from now.
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I'm a magical mix of coach, perspective-shifting mentor, hair-holder, consultant, wing woman, get shit done'r, silver lining finder, & slightly annoying cheerleader
I used to roll my eyes at the notion of self love and loving my life because it felt so far outside the realm of possibilities. I thought both were saved for those who'd escaped childhood unscathed.
But a perfect storm in 2015 had me wake TF up and heal my childhood ish. Along the way, I started to not only love but LIKE myself and I stopped wanting to escape from my life and instead, intentionally create my exciting future. That's saying a lot when you read my stories!
And now? I get to help women all around the world fall in love with themselves, their lives, and create the future THEY want. How cool is that?!?