For many, it’s an, “Oh shit…this is NOT the way I want to live the rest of my life” and an opportunity to have a midlife awakening.
No matter what’s transpired in the past…
What does it mean to live your best life? How do you ensure you live your life with purpose and intention? Live your life to the fullest? Make your second half even better than your first?
What life lessons in your 40s and beyond can help you be successful and fulfilled as you enter your second half of life?
Can you start over after 40 if that’s exactly what you want to do? (HINT: The answer is definitively yes if that’s really really what you want.)
Over and over, these are questions I’ve had clients ask in their initial calls. I mean…hell, I’ve had these questions myself in the past.
And as I’ve done my own work to find myself in midlife and heal my childhood shit and worked with clients through the years, I’ve created a methodology and framework that provides a container and steps within for moving and iterating through the work.
It’s lovingly titled SELFISH and is
a)meant to be tongue-in-cheek for all the haters that think self-care is selfish (it’s not), and
b) is hella proven and valuable in helping people move from a place of feeling unfulfilled, discontented, both under- and overwhelmed, and questioning if this is all there ever is to a place of living life to the fullest and with renewed purpose, passion, and intention.
What possibilities exist when we approach life from a place of using our desires as our compass?
How does life open up for you? When the quest of feeling good is the goal in spite of life’s inherent 33/33/33 (33% amazing, 33% meh, and 33% downright shitty)?
Said in my best Lucifer voice, “What is it you truly desire?”. Because when we start there and define our desires with intentional and inspired specificity, the universe starts helping guide us to it.
And when we reorient to those desires often (I aim for daily but weekly at the very least)- even in the shitty hard times? Magic.
No matter what “problems” my clients come to me with to begin our relationship together, we always start with their core desires; that which will make their life well lived and loved regardless of what happened yesterday or in childhood or anytime in their past.
This is just the start of how to live your life with purpose. To live your life to the fullest.
This is exactly where I started when I turned my life around in my 40s.
Sure – you can sift through everything that’s ever happened to you or been said to you that made you feel less than but who has time for dicking around going through all that baggage?
I love me some therapy but sometimes I don’t want to rehash every. fucking. story again and again. I’m an action-taker and want to drill down to brass tacks as quickly as possible so I can get to some forward momentum already. If you’re here reading this, taking action calls to you as well.
Instead, I like to get super curious and ask myself thought-provoking questions (you can find personal and client faves here) that guide me to quickly uncover exactly what’s holding me back and getting in my way so that I can create specific plans to address.
Emotional objectivity, FTW!
This is where we put on our detective hats and don our magnifying glasses and rifle through what we’ve uncovered thus far when doing steps 1 and 2. And we keep on doing this as we learn more and more.
What is yours to own?
What is outside of your control?
What do you make it mean about you as an inherently worthy human being?
What are you ready to tackle head-on with the confidence of a mediocre white dude?
It’s all about gathering awareness (data) and figuring out your next steps with that awareness.
With awareness comes intentional choice. Let that sink in for a moment.
It all starts with awareness. Magic, I tell ya.
This is my fave step of all!!!!! It’s fun to give yourself the space to dream and scheme and
Part of step 1 (Start with Desire) is tapping into future you and reverse-engineering your highest vision of future you back to today you and mapping and planning out which actions you’re going to take to move today you closer and closer to future you.
Future you is waiting for today you to make a powerful decision. To step into the you that’s been beckoning since you were a young girl. The you that’s been squashed down for too long because society and life and fuck the patriarchy.
She’s in there and she is so excited to become her.
Again and again, we orient back to our desires.
What makes us feel good. Who we’re iterating into. What brings us joy and lights us up from the inside out.
We get retrospective often and course-correct when necessary because life is too short and you’re done dicking around.
This is the opposite of perfection. This is experimenting and failing and picking ourselves back up again and again because by now, we know our inherent worth and there’s no stopping us from becoming who we were always meant to be.
This is letting curiosity lead the way toward living our most PleasureFULL lives.
Somehow this has turned into a manifesto, lol. I’m loving it!
Self-kindness, compassion, worthiness, awareness, friendship, love. We bring all the “selfs” into this container. Everything except self-loathing because hating yourself to better is an instant recipe for failure.
We treat ourselves as we would a beloved friend or child. The work becomes nurturing, joyful, pleasurable, and affirming EVEN WHEN IT FEELS REALLY FUCKING HARD.
Because it absolutely is hard sometimes. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it and they’re not.
This is how we get shit done. We don’t sugar-coat or fake positivity or spiritually bypass or gaslight ourselves but instead, get real and raw and vulnerable and down-and-dirty and roll up our sleeves and do the damn work. You put on your cape and become the hero of your story.
When you work with me in this container, you are never alone. I always have your back and hold your dreams and beliefs if/when you falter.
Healing may not have been the impetus to starting this work but you can’t help but start healing (whatever needed healing) when you actively and intentionally step into your best vision of future you.
But it is time to get started.
Does 80-yo you still love PSLs and getting into all sorts of fun trouble? I bet she does!
She is NOT messing around when it comes to her life's fulfillment + contentment. She holds the answers to questions like "Is this all there is?", "Is it ok to want more?", and "What's it all for?".
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