Life Design Coach and creator of The SELF Approach™

This is my corner of the web where I share unfiltered advice, practical tools, and laughter at life's sometimes fuckedupedness - all meant to help you live & love the absolute hell out of yourself and your life.

I'm Jen Vertanen

Love Your Damn Life

Do the Work

Tips, tools, & practical advice for how to do the work learned from doing this work myself & with clients


What's life without living & loving the hell out of it? Learn what it means for YOU

Love Your Damn Self

Because the fastest way to love your damn life is to love your damn self!

Love Your Future Self

My fave, most fun way for quickly identifying what YOU need to love your damn life NOW

Hey hey!

Midlife & Beyond

Take the bull by the proverbial horns and claim midlife as YOUR time to live & love the hell out of yourself and your life

Life Design

You get to be the architect of your life. Take bold action to live your version of "OMG I love my damn life!"

11 Simple Steps to Show Up for Yourself and Have Your Own Back

A beautiful midlife woman with brown hair in a blue hammock looking directly at the camera

If you have the time, space, and resources in your life, here are some ways you can start showing up for yourself and having your own back.

Simple, not easy

I said simple – not easy. But practice these (i.e. don’t set yourself up for failure thinking you’re going to knock this out of the ballpark on try #1 or even try #100) over and over until it feels like second nature and I promise, cross my heart hope to die, give you my firstborn who is now 32 and a strapping gentleman that this will work for you.

Showing up for yourself and having your own back is absolutely possible and you do hard things all the time. You can do this too.

Put yourself first sometimes

Put your needs above others at least some of the time. I said what I said. Getting your needs met helps you be the person you want to be for others. Not sure what your needs are beyond food, water, and shelter? Let’s talk.

Practice self-acceptance

Accept where you are in life without judgment. You can’t undo the past and the future is waiting to be written. Easier said than done, I know, but something to practice over and over until it becomes second nature. 

Build a healthy relationship with your inner mean girl

Pay attention to your inner mean girl and the way she talks to you.

Create a relationship with her…one that has boundaries and doesn’t engage unless she’s able to tell you what she needs respectfully.

Our inner mean girl has developed over time with many different voices (hello, 3rd-grade teacher who hated me!) and experiences but her primary goal? To keep you safe. Let her know you understand her fear and you’ve got her back…she doesn’t need to be so afraid.

You’re pretty fricking awesome…

Find ways to remind yourself often how goddamn brilliant you are and how far you’ve come. Flood your brain with evidence of your awesomeness because I guarantee it’s there when you intentionally look for it. This will feel weird at first but like anything else, gets easier with practice.

Practice gratitude in a non-toxic positivity way

Always practice gratitude even when (especially when?) you’re feeling ungrateful. There is always at least 3 things in your life to feel grateful for at any given moment. This isn’t about toxic positivity bullshit but is about recognizing and owning your privilege.

Make yourself a priority

Make yourself a priority. Find time to do things that energize and delight you…even when life feels extra chaotic.

Buy yourself a dad joke book and read it while you poop. Bam – time to laugh.

My point? Don’t overcomplicate what this should look like. Anything that makes you feel good inside whether you do it for 1 min or 100 mins is making yourself a priority.

Commit to yourself

Commit to yourself over and over again…every day. Choose yourself. Build trust in yourself that you will always have your best interests at heart. 

Self-deprecating is funny until it’s unkind

Check your self-deprecating humor. There’s funny self-deprecating and then there’s unkind self-deprecating. Choose the funny + keep an eye out for the unkind and try your damnedest NOT to be unkind to yourself – especially in front of others.

Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself daily. Multiple times if you need to. You are just as worthy and deserving of kindness and compassion as the next person. Apologize when you’re the asshole, try not to be the asshole again, and move on.

Boundaries, baby!

Set and maintain boundaries that are kind and respectful. It’s ok if others don’t like them…they don’t need to.

You have no obligation to say yes when you mean HELL NO, turn yourself inside out to the detriment of your own wellbeing, or bend yourself backward, ass over tea kettle, to make someone happy or like you.

Feeling guilty? Evaluate the boundary and see if it’s still one you want to keep and if so, do the work to ditch the guilt. It’s not worth it.

Spend your time wisely

Take a look at where you’re spending your time day-to-day and then see if it aligns with your core values and principles.

If not, figure out what needs to be adjusted.

To repeat – simple, not easy

I’ll repeat what I said above; these are simple steps but not always easy. But just because something’s not easy doesn’t mean we throw in the towel and say fuck it – I’ll just do the same old same old and be secretly wondering about how I can run away from my life.

That’s not what you really want. Create a relationship with yourself that has you looking in the mirror staring back at a best friend instead of a stranger. 

Not only love but LIKE yourself.

Have your own back. Model this for others and watch them blossom too.

Altruism FTW.

Show up for yourself, have your own back, and watch how you blossom into the person who just naturally is her own best friend.

Hey there!

I'm a magical mix of coach, perspective-shifting mentor, hair-holder, consultant, wing woman, get shit done'r, silver lining finder, & slightly annoying cheerleader

I'm Jen Vertanen, Make Shit Happen Coach + creator of The Fuck Yeah Methodology

I used to roll my eyes at the notion of self love and loving my life because it felt so far outside the realm of possibilities. I thought both were saved for those who'd escaped childhood unscathed.

But a perfect storm in 2015 had me wake TF up and heal my childhood ish. Along the way, I started to not only love but LIKE myself and I stopped wanting to escape from my life and instead, intentionally create my exciting future. That's saying a lot when you read my stories!

And now? I get to help women all around the world fall in love with themselves, their lives, and create the future THEY want. How cool is that?!?

Make Shit Happen coaching to help you bring your Big Ass Goals w/Soul (BAGS) to life and live your Fuck Yeah. Life doesn't wait. Give your fucks wisely & live your life fully.

© 2024 Jen Vertanen + A Fuck Yeah Life

An ADHD &  LGBTQ+  woman owned business