The Unfiltered Truth: What Living Your Best Damn Life Is (and Is NOT)

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:00:00]: Hey. Hey there, bold AF cycle breaker, or should I call you unshould-er? Or I don't know what to call you, but I think you should be called something. And if you have an idea, send me an email, an Insta, a Facebook. It will all be in the show notes, and let me know. Anyhoo, welcome back to Living Your Best Damn Life One "Fuck Yeah, I Did!" At A Time. I am your host, Jenn Vertanen, unapologetically sweary. And today, we're gonna cut through some serious bullshit and talk about what living your best damn life is not, and then we'll wrap up with what it is. This is really important in laying the foundation of this work that I do with folks, so listen in.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:00:49]: In my 30 plus years, because I'm old like that, helping folks make their bold AF visions a a reality, I have seen a lot of misconceptions about what it means to live your best life. I've also learned that true fulfillment comes from intentionally opting out of societal pressure and most importantly, defining success on your own terms. So today, we're gonna break it all down, call out the crap, and set the record straight. Let's dive in. Number 1, what it's not about. It is not about having your shit together 247. I mean, can we talk about exhausting? So living your best damn life does not mean you've got everything figured out all the time. Thinking that you should, there's that should, it is absolute and total bullshit.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:01:52]: Just the other day, I was starting another round of existential crisis, not around the umbrella of my work, but around my main offering. Now this is a very old, very familiar pattern of mine, so I knew I just had to give myself a little space, a little time, some grace to question everything before coming back to what I know to be true, who I serve, why I'm the best person to serve them, and how I serve them. But during those hours of this existential crisis, I was a freaking hot mess of emotions, spin out, meltdowns. Who the hell am I this? Low energy. I I couldn't think of anything else. Like, literally, that's all I could think about. Who am I and who do I serve? My husband literally wanted to escape, but he can't. But because I've done the work, I knew I wouldn't be there for too long.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:02:54]: I didn't get down on myself for feeling the way I was feeling, and that is so key. So even as a successful coach, there are days when I am a total disaster. And you know what? That's okay. It's gonna happen. Your best life isn't about being perfect. It's about embracing the chaos and sometimes fuckery and learning to dance with it or ugly cry in the shower or whatever works for you to stay true to yourself while also going through whatever dumpster fire is currently on your plate. You are a whole ass human being. You are not a productivity machine despite what society says.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:03:33]: It is okay to have off days, to feel messy, to need rest. That's not failing at life, that is being a beautifully imperfect human. Number 2, it is so not about posting #blessed on social media. I'm not gonna get on my soapbox of why I think calling yourself #blessed is so damn problematic, But let's talk about the social media trap. Your best life is not measured in likes, follows, or how many times you use #livingmybestlife. So the story of, Stacy, one of my previous clients, is so relatable. Everything in her life just looked wonderful on the outside. She had an envious career, a nice home, but inside, she was so lonely.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:04:21]: Her coworkers constantly grated on her nerves, which led to daily exhaustion having to deal with that on top of her actual work. And every time she talked to her mom, she literally felt reduced to a 3 year old who had done something wrong. What she needed were better boundaries without feeling like an asshole. So that's exactly what we worked on first. And then we worked on how to make her life feel more fulfilling and less lonely, but she couldn't do that until she had put some of those boundaries in place and practiced them. Social media, we know this. It is just a highlight reel. Your best life is about feeling fulfilled when you close your eyes at night, not how many people double tapped on your latest selfie, no matter how gorgeous or not it is.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:05:10]: I post some pretty embarrassing ones. Number 3, it is not about following someone else's blueprint. This one's a biggie. They're all biggies. But your aunt Karen might think you need a spouse, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence to be living your best life. But you know what? That's cute, aunt Karen, but, no thanks, unless that's what you want. So from the outside, I do have a spouse. I have 3 children, a nice home and career, and 2 dogs.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:05:39]: My life looks pretty conventional for all intents and purposes, but also I am unapologetic. And bold. I'm outspoken. I don't humble brag. I own my expertise and brilliance. I go after what I want even if no one supports me. But guess what? I have done a shit ton of work, so the only people that I truly invest in, they support the hell out of me in all ways, even when it means calling me on my own BS because we all need people like that. I am 54, and I love aging.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:06:14]: I love seeing how my body is changing. Yeah. Even even, like, the saggy arms. I'm fascinated. I am beyond excited about the endless possibilities and scenarios and opportunities yet in front of me no matter my age. I cannot wait for the iterations I will go through while simultaneously living a life I'm content as hell in right now. I put myself first most of the time, and I will die on a hill that doing so is the opposite of selfish. So if you couldn't tell, I have some pretty bold opinions and I'm not afraid to share them.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:06:55]: This is my definition of success though, being deeply connected to the people I love, doing the work that I'm meant to do, plenty of time to play and rest, loving the hell out of myself no matter what, continuing to be tenacious and resilient. I love money and the flexibility it creates too, but it's not what ultimately drives me. If it drives you, that is amazing. If that's part of your definition of success, good on you. That's awesome. My point, create your own definition of success and then work like hell to make it your reality. I'll do another episode maybe right after this where we dive into, like, just how to do that. Because your best life is uniquely yours, it might involve living in a van down by the river, starting a cat sanctuary, becoming a professional cheese taster, or something I would love to do, an interpretive dancer.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:07:52]: Or it could be retiring to the mountains of Ecuador like my mom did, literally. She was in her early seventies when she finally found true happiness in life, but she never gave up. The point is you get to decide what your fuck yeah life looks like. And here's the real tea. Your version of success might look nothing like what society tells you it should. Maybe success for you is having time for a leisurely breakfast every morning, or being able to take spontaneous road trips with girlfriends, or having the freedom to nap in the middle of the day. Whatever it is, own it because it is your life, your rules, and society doesn't tell us that that is okay. Number 4, it's not about constant hustle and and grind.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:08:43]: So let's talk about it, hustle culture. Like, it's a real thing. Can we all agree that burnout is not a badge of honor? And it is time, I I invite you, it is time to intentionally opt out of this toxic mindset that is literally killing us. Kathy, another client, was constantly in fight or flight as she worked her ass off, burned herself out to a crisp. As she climbed her way up the ladder, she sacrificed quality time with her family, friends, herself. She worked long nights and weekends wishing it could be different, but this is just what you have to do to succeed. And when she got the senior director position and was in it maybe about a year ish, she got honest with herself and was like, yeah. This isn't it.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:09:31]: Now what? And that's when she reached out to me. So think of all the time and energy she put into what she thought she was supposed to do. And she is so not alone, which is the absolute tragic part. This goes back to creating your own blueprint and path and definition of success and why it is so damn important. Your best life includes rest, self care, telling hustle culture to kiss your ass, and are there times that require some grit and hustle? Probably. But as long as you agree with your reasons behind it and you're being intentional with spending that energy, it's all good. Life goes in cycles. It goes in phases.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:10:16]: It's when you do it because you think you have to or should is when I call bullshit and tell you there is absolutely another way, and that's what we talk about on living your best damn life. It does not mean sacrificing your sanity or your soul. In fact, some of the most successful people I've worked with are those that learn to honor themselves as whole ass human beings, prioritizing not just work, but also play, rest, personal fulfillment, getting their needs met and not just their basic human needs of water and shelter. You are not a human doing. You're a human being. It feels a little platitude y, but it kinda works. Your worth is not tied to your productivity. Your worth is not tied to your productivity.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:11:07]: Number 5, it is not about waiting for the right time. Here's a hard truth, kind of like having a kid or getting a puppy or going on vacation, there's never a perfect time to start creating, living your best life. Take starting this podcast. I know this is only the 2nd episode, but I am meeting so many amazing, inspiring, super cool people because I decided to put myself out there even when I didn't feel a 100% ready, a 100% certain. My days of holding myself back are mostly gone. I've worked really, really hard on that, and it's probably always something I'll need to be mindful and intentional about because just like you, I'm human. I'm wired to take the safe route. Right? But it's about making the decision to start right fucking now in perfect action and all.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:12:03]: Here's what you need to remember, though. Taking action does not mean running yourself into the ground. It's about finding the sweet spot between movement and rest, between doing and being. That is the art and science that I love to talk about and what I bring into the conversations with my clients. There's so much nuance and complexity, but if we approach things intentionally, that's when we can make that magic happen. So number 6, it is not about pleasing everyone. I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. Living your best life means disappointing some people.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:12:38]: Yep. It does. Your mother-in-law might clutch her pearls. Your high school frenemy might talk shit about you. Let them. Who the fuck cares? Their opinions are not the boss of you. Your life, your rules, period. End of sentence.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:12:55]: Number 7, it is not about having all the answers, and this is hard. This is hard. A, we don't wanna look stupid in front of others. B, ego tells us we should have all the answers. But if you feel lost sometimes, I want you to join the club. Your best life includes embracing uncertainty, asking for help, and being okay with I don't know yet. I felt lost for years, like, legit over a decade, if not longer. I knew in my heart what I wanted to do with my coaching and mentoring.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:13:31]: I knew who I wanted to work with and how, but I wasn't in a place to give myself permission to go all in yet. And it's the yet part that is so important here because during those years, I also held on to the belief that what I wanted was possible, and my work was working through all the shit and baggage that was getting in the way of me going all in. Was it hard and annoying, and did I sometimes get impatient because I'm not a very patient person to begin with? Yeah. But belief kept me going. Tenacity kept me going. Knowing myself and what I'm capable of kept me going, and it finally happened, especially when I took off expectations of when or how and just focused on incrementally getting there. So it's okay not to have it all figured out, you never will. I'd argue that that is actually where the magic happens if you allow yourself to be in that messy, gooey, caterpillar y, turning into a butterfly middle.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:14:35]: Number 8, I know these are also important. This one might be the most important of all. Living your best damn life is not about ignoring the tough stuff or pretending everything is peachy when it's not. Sometimes life deals us a hand that feels impossible to play. Maybe you have a chronic illness that drains you literally every moment of every day, or you're navigating some mental health challenges, or maybe you or a loved one has received a devastating health diagnosis that has turned your world upside down, or you're caregiving for people with lots of needs and trying to stay on top of it while also getting your own shit done while also getting the rest sleep that you need, or you're in a relationship with someone who is less than supportive of your dreams. I just want you to know I see you. I hear you. And I want you to also know that acknowledging these realities doesn't make you any less of a badass.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:15:41]: Creating your fuck yeah life isn't about setting unrealistic expectations or gaslighting yourself into thinking you should be able to do it all. That is the toxic shit we stay away from around here. It is about working with what you've got and finding ways to thrive despite the challenges. If you're dealing with chronic pain, your best damn life might include more rest days than someone else. That's okay. If mental health issues make it hard to socialize, your fuck yeah life might involve finding joy in smaller, quieter moments. That is valid. The key is to be gentle with yourself.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:16:21]: Don't compare your journey to anyone else's. Your best life is about making the most of your unique situation, whatever that might be. And here's the thing, embracing your reality with all its messiness and complications, that is an absolute act of courage. It takes guts to look at your life honestly and still choose to seek joy, still pursue your dreams even if the path looks different than what you imagined or what you would like. So I want you to give yourself permission to create the best damn life you can with the cards you've been dealt. It's real, it's yours, and it is fucking beautiful. Every small step you take towards your version of a fuck yeah life is a victory. Celebrate those wins no matter how tiny they might seem to others.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:17:14]: You are doing the work, and that is literally all that matters. This is another hill I'm willing to die on. We all have shit. Some of us have way more shit than others. Just the circumstances we've been dealt in life, it just is what it is. It doesn't mean that you give up finding what it takes, defining that, that definition of success, using the circumstances and realities of your life, and do it without gaslighting. If you're having a tough day where it just feels too much, that is alright too. Again, your worth is not tied to your productivity or your ability to just, you know, put your boots on and soldier through.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:18:02]: Sometimes living your best life means giving yourself permission to just be, to rest, to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment. So we've talked a lot about what it's not. Let's turn the focus to what it actually is. It is about waking up each day and choosing to be unapologetically you. It is about giving yourself permission to want what you want, to rest when you need rest. It's about taking courageous action towards creating that life even when it scares the shit out of you, but also knowing when to pause and recharge. It's this again, it goes back to the balance of there's action and there's rest, and it's knowing how to dance between the 2 to give you a unique whole ass human being what you most need so that you can thrive in whatever way that looks like for you. It is about creating a life that makes you say, fuck yeah, more often than, well, what if? Right? It's about intentionally creating your unique version of success, one that honors all aspects of you, who you are, not just the productive parts, but the playful, the quiet, the messy, like, all of it.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:19:24]: It all needs to be taken into account because that's who you are. You can't escape yourself. You can try. Like, you can check out, and trust me, I spent decades doing that. It doesn't create for a very fulfilling life. You're gonna hear me say ad nauseam, it is never too late to start living your best in life unless you say it is. So I wanna know what is one thing you're gonna do today to step into your version of a fuck yeah life? Maybe it's taking the nap without guilt or saying no to an obligation that doesn't let you up or giving yourself permission to think about, well, what is my definition of success on my own terms? Yeah. I'm gonna make that the next episode.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:20:09]: That'll be episode 3. So drop me a message on Instagram. It's jen.vertanen or in the Designing Your Fuck Yeah Life Facebook group. Again, those links will be in the notes below. If you're not in there yet, I wanna know what you're waiting for. We would love to have you. I wanna hear your bold af courageous moves. And if you're ready to go all in creating your fuck yeah life, one that truly honors you as a whole human being, check out my go all in intensive at jenvertanen.com/work-together.

Jen V. "Live Your Best Damn Life" Coach [00:20:44]: Let's turn those someday maybes? into hell, yeah, definitelys without burning yourself out in the process. Until next time, keep being unapologetically you, prioritize that rest and play, and remember, your best in life is defined by you and is waiting. I want you to go get it. Bye.