✨ When you know yourself inside and out.
✨ You have your own back always.
✨ You take control of getting your needs met so you can stay an emotionally well and whole human being.
✨ Have nothing less than the right fucks to give.
✨ Not beating yourself up when you make a mistake but owning it and if there’s a lesson to be learned…learning it without being an asshole to yourself or others.
✨ Don’t let life’s and other peoples’ fuckery get in the way of YOU living your most fulfilling life.
See also: Unstoppable & Unapologetic
When you first hear the word, you may think hmmmm….sounds like a super badass, take no prisoners, ball-buster, doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone but you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Being unfuckwithable looks different for each of us but if we were to boil it down to one thing, it would be knowing what you
wantneed from this one wild & crazy life of yours and then pursuing it relentlessly and unapologetically.
It means you don’t apologize for who you are, you take up space in your life, own your imperfectness without being an asshole (at least not intentionally), and lead with your heart instead of your ego.
Unfuckwithable looks like weathering life’s storms with grace and self-compassion and doing the work when life becomes overwhelming and hella burdensome instead of lashing out at everyone around you.
You’ve healed your shit enough to know that your worthiness doesn’t come from outside you.
It’s not found in others’ perceptions of you or your achievements & accomplishments.
It doesn’t come from productivity or checking the boxes and doing everything “right”.
Rules, schmrules. Unless you’re breaking the law or infringing on someone else’s ability to have a happy and whole life, you’re good following your own damn rules.
You know you are inherently worthy just by the very nature of your existence. As is everyone and you treat them accordingly.
You let people have their opinions of you without turning yourself inside out to people please or be on their good side.
You don’t burden yourself with others’ expectations and you sure as shit don’t take on their disappointments of you.
When you are truly genuine, there will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case, you must be your own badass self, without apology. ~ Katie Goodman
No matter how much you hem and haw and gnash your teeth, there are just some things, including other people, that are just outside of your control.
You know & accept this so you’re not beating yourself up, bending yourself backward to try and control a situation or someone else’s behavior.
You take your own happiness & fulfillment into your hands and let others deal with their own journey without making it a part of your own.
This does NOT mean you are apathetic to the woes of the world. Quiet the contrary. The mental energy you’re no longer wasting trying to control something that’s outside your control can now be directed to helping the world be a better place for ALL.
You act from a place of having full agency and control over your own self and your reactions and behaviors. No one elses’.
Fear will always be present. It’s literally our brain and body’s way of keeping us safe from the “tiger” that’s lurking around the corner, waiting to “tear us from limb to limb”.
It’s called survival and you literally cannot escape it.
What you can do, though, is recognize when fear is permeating your thoughts and behaviors, do the work to soothe your nervous system (again – it’s just doing its job!), and take action in spite of the fear.
✨ Leap before you’re ready to leap.
✨ Stretch your comfort zone often.
✨ Challenge yourself often to grow and evolve.
Complacency is a four-letter word so you’ve done the work to manage your fear instead of letting your fear manage you.
You don’t hide your head in the sand when an uncomfortable situation is in front of you. Instead, you deal with it head-on because you have your own back…always.
The difference between a good life and a bad life is how well you walk through the fire. ~ Carl Jung
You are masterful at walking through the fire…again and again.
You’ve grown to love yourself deeply and wholly.
You don’t wait for permission but instead, go after what you most want & need in life. Again – you’re not the asshole or careless, thoughtless individual stomping on others to get ahead in life but you also don’t hold back from relentlessly pursuing your own version of a life will lived & loved.
You’ve developed a high level of self-trust and self-leadership such that you can trust your gut…always.
You make opportunities happen for yourself and others. You are in charge of your happiness, dreams, and desires and you treat them like you would a job you love.
You’ve done the work and the result is you are an emotionally well & whole person. You are so fucking magnetic and a beacon to those who want the self-love you have.
You are a generous, good, kind human being to others and especially, to yourself.
You treat yourself with the same loving kindness you would a beloved child or best friend. You strive for always but are ok with 90% of the time because you also give yourself grace for being an imperfect, deeply flawed human being.
You accept your flaws without making them good, bad, right, or wrong. Because we all have them and you’ve learned you can’t hate your way to healing.
You never apologize for getting your needs met and maintaining your boundaries. In fact, you know it’s the opposite of selfish to do so.
And if/when someone(s) treats you poorly again and again or brings nothing but toxicity and drama to your life? You don’t try to fix them but instead, wish them well and send them along their way.
It’s the kind and compassionate thing to do for your own emotional well-being and you know that you being and feeling whole does so much good in the world so you protect it fiercely like a mama bear protects her cubs.
Much like you own your flaws, you own the hell out of your strengths and use them to do good work in the world.
You don’t apologize or make yourself shrink if someone else is jealous or intimidated by your strengths; you puff out your chest with your superhero cape waving in the wind behind you and you show up 100% in your strength and power.
This is a VERY BIG DEAL and you unapologetically make the best of your inherent and earned talents and gifts.
This gives others permission to do the same which is how we heal & fix the world.
I said what I said.
You don’t wait around for things to just happen to you. Oh no, you grab the bull (life) by the horns and ride that sucker in the relentless pursuit of your most fulfilling and meaningful life.
You are an action-taker, go-getter, decision-maker, get-meaningful-shit-doner, AND take it on as a personal challenge to prove you can do whatever your heart sets out to do.
You are unstoppable…a force of nature that goes after what you (not anyone else) uniquely want from and for your life.
And if you fail because sometimes you will spectacularly fail? You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going. It’s just who you are and what you do for ALL of the reasons above.
Some people will only love you as long as you fit in their box. Don’t be afraid to disappoint them. ~ Steve Maraboli
It’s time to stop trying to fit into someone elses’ boxes for you and get unfuckwithable, unstoppable, and unapologetic for who you are and how you need to live your life so you can look back and say, “That was one helluva ride!”.
If this gave you a visceral punch in the gut and had you saying, “I WANT TO BE UNFUCKWITHABLE” and you’re ready to “do the work”, I invite you to reach out for 1:1 support because this is exactly what I do for myself and my clients.
The past is the past and your future is yet to be written. I believe in you.
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Jen Vertanen is a Life Design Coach for action-takers who are ready to "do the work" to fully love their damn lives